“Good morning!” There was no need to announce myself. My dad would always recognize my voice.
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN???”
Ahhhhh. I was half-expecting this reaction. It was the most non-loving and loving greeting, all at the same time.
“I was JUST telling your mom that you dropped off the face of the planet! I said that to her not thirty seconds before you called. You haven’t called, you haven’t written in your blog, there’s nothing on Facebook—“
My dad doesn’t even have a Facebook account, but anyways.
“—You haven’t even responded to my texts! I was starting to think something was wrong.”
Nothing was wrong. Nothing is wrong. I’m going to the gym. I’m going to work. My apartment is reasonably clean (albeit the clean dishes that have sat in the dishwasher for three days). Everything in my life is pretty status quo.
Which is precisely the problem.
I always have a story to tell about something. I’m always making a disaster in my kitchen that somehow turns out bon appetite. I’m always jumping into cars that—apparently—are not Ubers (that one happened last week). I’m always planning an idea that only works in theory.
A voice inside my head usually screams ten thousand ideas simultaneously, but apparently, she’s on holiday. I haven’t written in my blog because frankly, I haven’t been feeling all that inspired.
And I didn’t even notice until my dad brought it up.
How you know you’re in a funk
1. Trust those who know you best.
I am the product of my dad. We both find everything interesting. We both strike up conversations with the most random human beings. We both moved far away from our roots, even though we love our hometowns. We both get frustrated/hot tempered over the dumbest sh*t.
If I was not tearing through life at my typical 90 MPH, he knew something was up.
Having a calm, even temperament and a predictable routine is something I envy, but that it is not who I am as a person. If someone who has known me for 26 years points out I’m not acting like myself, he may have a point.
2. Take note of your inbox and e-mails
“Case, I’m so sorry—I’ve had a voicemail from you since Monday and I still haven’t responded.” Twice in one day—er, twice in a ten-hour period—I was coughing up apologies for being MIA.
I pride myself on being a very loyal, dedicated friend. My friend Casey is one of my token venting friends—we each call each other when we need to gain perspective. She’s talked me through many a ranting session, and I was not upholding my end of the bargain.
I have e-mails I’ve read but haven’t responded to. I have a voicemail from one of my best friends sitting unread for days. Once again, there was nothing wrong with this situation. My friends and I live busy lives. Yet, once again, this is not who I am as a person.
3. Count backward on your calendar
I have not written a blog post since March 29th.
March 29th! I have not made a single post this month. That absolutely terrifies me, because I cannot remember what I have been doing the past two weeks. Nothing monumental took place. No catastrophes rocked my life or sanity. I just woke up in the morning, went to work, went to the gym, came home, and waited for the next day to start.
Now how monotonous is that?
How to snap yourself out of it
I wish I could say the phone call to my dad spun me into a dimension of self-motivation I haven’t seen in weeks. That’s just not how this works.
There is no better feeling than waking up one morning, and being oh-so-incredibly-proud of the day you had before. I love waking up and thinking, “You killed it yesterday. Now go do it again today.”
I haven’t had that feeling in weeks. But like everything else, you can’t move forward unless you have a baseline to start from. There is no one solution for digging yourself out of an apathetic hole. The first step, however, is simply recognizing you’re in one.
I love all the F words, but only the positive ones. So F is not for being in a funk, but finding a way out of it.